i was pissed ! i woke up fcuking early to meet up , because i was afraid tat i might overslept ... aunty drive me to simei met staion and wanted to wait for me , i smsed those 2 idiotic buyer ! one was late for 30 mins and another smsed me and said she overslept and is unable to meet me ... wat-the-fcuk
FINE ! i went back home and is rainin so bloody heavily ! i used to love raining days but for this few days ! i just hate the rain !
im not feeling tat good ! and tat's why im bloggin now ! i hop from blogs to blogs readin some other people blog and people tat i dunnoe ...
WARNING ! the content below will be super x10 boring and emo ! dun read if u cant take it ...
most blog tat i read are abt hearkbroken post , it reminds me how and when i was once heartbroken too ... and thought it was end of life , GOD ! thinking back , i just find myself so bloody childish ... i think tat is when i finally understand everything :) things was hard , real hard ... from simple things like forget this name , maybe not to tat extend , but maybe not feelin hurt or be reminded when his name was being called , it may not be him but he had such a common name tat everywhere i go , i hear people calling his name but not him -.-
forgettin every single things of him , his number , his voice , his care and concern , his love for me ... or maybe my love for him , i thought i didnt fall in love tat deep , but after we broke up , i just found out tat he was somehow a part of me , he stands a little space in my heart , i couldnt get myself to sleep , all i did was cried and cried , eventually i felt tired and fell asleep without knowing ...
waiting for his call is something i must do no matter how tired i can be , his goodnight calls just make me feel i was loved and reminded by the end of the day ...i would be worry to death without his call , walkin around the house with the phone , calling my friends to accompany me and waitin for his call ... asked me wat makes me scared and hate but at the sometime feel loved and blissed ,and my answer is always : him :)
small things can make me pissed for the whole bloody day but whatever things involve him , everything is just different ... totally different , and tat is when people say : LOVE ... i agree ....
silly actions of his , hugging me tightly , smiling to me , jokes tat are not funny AT ALL ... small actions of his makes me smile from the bottom of my heart , and then i understand , i loved him more then yesterday ...
i dun remember and dunnoe when was the time when i finally wake up and start picking up myself from those broken hearts and disappoint , i totally forgotten them all ...
the most common phrase i hear from people around me was : time will heal all things
and tat is wat i always tell people who fall out of love , but when things take place , everything is simply just bull-shit ... seriously ,
those heartaches can never simply understand by anyone ! no one ! is true tat time is needed to heal all those broken hearts ... but is the process of healing tat is killing ...
going to places when we used to go and doing things tat we used to do together is always a nightmares for me at tat point of time , all i could do was to stay home doin nothing , i didnt wan to have anything to contact with and makes me reminded of him ...
simple things like sitting at the bustop alone , waitin for bus can makes my imagination goes wild and stare at space and tears will start rolling down without any feeling , tat is when i understand , i was numb , very very numb from the days of crying ... i didnt feel anything ,
indeed crying makes me feel much much better but no one ever tell me crying makes the heart hurt even more ...
it is impossible to totally foget abt wat used to happen , who used to love you so so so much and left you because of some unknown reason , it was hard to even hate let alone forget ...
the reasons of the broke up is still left unknown and although i tried to find out from any smallest clue but i got tired in the end and realised : something is better to leave unknown ...
telling every single people the same story of how he left me , how he used to love me tat much , how we used to be , the sudden decision of ending the relationship , the life im going through after the break-up , telling every single people , make them listen for the hundred times the same old stories ... make them understand how i feel and wat im going through ... they keep quiet and listen , they wanted to comfort me , but didnt noe how to ... all they could do the least to make me feel a little better is to listen
all conversation involve him , him and more him ... talking abt the same things didnt make me tired a single bit ... smiling while talkin abt him , and cried suddenly after realising he left ... it was a total hell then , who ever understand ?
i always think tat no one , NO ONE ! will ever understand but came to realise after everything : who doesnt go through these when their lover leave them ?
when i understand everything , and accept the fact tat he left , i silence myself down and carry on my life with those days i used to live without him , or even to the days i used to live before knowing him ... den i found out ! i totally forget how i used to live life alone , tat was then my worst nightmares !
tat is den when i have to learn eveything from the basic ...
i used to laugh for the smallest thing , and smile even when strangers smile at me , but when i fall out of love , i lost the feeling of laughin out loud and feel tat is reallt funny and there is no reasons why i shouldnt be laughing , return back a smile to the stranger smiling because the craziest thing to do , i thought i was mad to smile to some strangers -.-
whenever my phone rings , my heart stopped beating and wishing and praying that the message or the name flashing from the incoming call was him , but when i took the courage to see and see tat it wasnt him , i fall deep into the pool of disappointment
taking the first step to contact him was wat i wanted to do most to make him and noe tat i still exist ! but i didnt have the courage to do so ,
changing number was wat i wanted to do most to totally start afresh , but is also wat im most afraid of tat if one day ! he sudddenly remember me and want to contact me but i changed my number -.-
BUT BUT BUT , i didnt do any of the above step , i deleted his number :)
looking back to those times , i feel small , i wonder , if im so dead because i fell out of love , wat would happen to me for the next 10 , 20 years down the road when i fall out of love for the tenth times ?
Wednesday, March 12, 2008 / 3:42 PM
SHE
SHE LOVES
SHE HATES
MEMORIES
THEY
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| From feminine-secret |
JOYOUS GOSSIPS